I know why I’m here. But why are you?

For those of you who’ve known me for a while now, ever since the days when I wrote daily blogs about whatever mundane observations were tickling my brain at that moment, this won’t be that. Or at least, not exactly. (But there will still be groan-worthy humor. You’re welcome.)

What’s different now is that I’ve finished the manuscript I’ve been working on for nearly two decades. And now, it’s agent hunting time.

Yes, it’ll be a long, tedious, and wholly depressing process. Basically, you send your heart and soul off to complete strangers just so most of them can tell you they’re not a “good fit.” Many don’t respond at all.

All the while, your unstoppable imagination summons images of elitist New York gatekeepers visibly gagging on your hackneyed dialogue, holding back buckets and buckets of avocado vomit because you had a typo in your query letter, or your title looks like it was written by a seven-year-old, or your main character smiles or gasps or plays with their hair too often and by the second paragraph it’s clear you’re just another imposter, or worse, a hack who peaked as an undergrad with a poem that captures the existential dread of getting older in the metaphor of a fraying t-shirt….

Not that that’s me. No way, José. My book, The Dead Keys, is undeniably the next great American novel, as universally lovable as Harry Potter but as controversial as Crime and Punishment, with the humor of Douglas Adams and the gloriously heartbreaking turns of phrase that make MacBeth feel like Everybody Poops.

Anyway, more on that later. In the meantime, I’ve turned to my next book, Invincible-ish. I’ll share updates on that journey as well. And just like a parent, my “second child” will be better because this time I know how not to fuck him/her/them up.

Beyond that, and musings about my own daily life, I want to use this space to highlight other books and authors I think are worth your time — some friends and local writers, some of the popular stuff clogging up your Goodreads feed, and other maybe not-so-well-known hidden gems. And when I have a physical book that you can go out and buy, I’ll share details on where/how to get it, and any promotions and events that may come along with it.

But for now, just one step at a time. Time to tranquilize me an agent….

Three books for the road:

• One book I’m currently reading: Empire Falls by Richard Russo
  • Fantastically realistic characters
  • Finally, a small town Maine story with no pet cemeteries
  • So good HBO turned it into a star-studded miniseries
• One book essential for writers: The Sense of Style by Steven Pinker
  • Possibly the most comprehensive book on the writer-reader relationship
  • Rooted in psychology and linguistics
  • Long, intellectual, but never overcomplicated
• One must-own book by a Wisconsin author: The Chemist by Janson Mancheski
  • Dark edge-of-your-seat crime thriller
  • “Detective noir” vibes
  • The first in a series that just keeps getting better